King Mugabe

Sitting on a branch outside the windows of the great bedchamber in the presidential residence the other day, GoWayBird overheard something very disturbing.

He heard Grasping Grace refer to Robert Junior as “the future President”.

What!!! GoWayBird flew away shocked and frightened, to think. He sat on the roof of the gutterpress (Herald House), looking down at the masses of jacaranda blossoms in the square below. And thought these thoughts:

We all know that African leaders have a penchant for royalty - particularly when applied to themselves. It’s traditional.

We also know that Robert Mugabe has been hailed by his clan, the Zezuru, as their new king (and, shudderingly, Grasping Grace as their queen). This acclamation can hardly have been overlooked by the man with the biggest ego in Africa. We also know that Mugabe is violently opposed to the idea of giving up his presidency.

GoWayBird concluded that Mugabe thinks of himself as Zimbabwe’s rightful monarch, as well as a military genius who has the right of conquest on his side. More clues, you ask?

In the early eighties he laid claim to the Great Zimbabwe ruins, re-naming them a Monument and having the brochures re written to say it was founded by ‘the Great Mugabe Dynasty’.

He then got some practice in a real game of dynasty when his fellow Marxist tyrant, Laurent Kabila of the DRC, was assassinated in 2001. Loathsome Laurent had a plan for his son Joseph to succeed him should he die in office. Robert Mugabe actively assisted in implementing the succession, by managing the tyrant's death - in cahoots with the DRC military, he abducted the body and stalled for time until Kabila jnr. was secure in his claim to the presidency. Thus Mugabe has actually participated in a trial run... (and profited mightily as a result).

We all know that Robert Mugabe is obsessed with staying in power, and why should we think his obession will vanish? How often has he signed concessions, made agreements, expressed support, promised change, or shaken hands on a deal? Only to show the world a middle finger later. He encourages a ‘succession debate’ and publicly anoints successors to keep both his opponents and his rivals distracted, and the illusion of democracy intact. But the true anointed one is kept a secret.

Mugabe clearly intends to steal the 2008 election as he has done before (practise makes perfect), then, with a fresh five year term, he will start preparing his son, Robert Junior, to take over the Mugabe dynasty’s kingdom. That’s when the boy comes of age, and that is when Mugabe intends to step down. And if he wants to go a little early then, no problem - he has organised a constitutional amendment that gives him the right to name a successor - perhaps Grace could be regent for a while?

All Robert Mugabe needs for this plan to work, is just one more five year term. Let’s not give him that extra time.